turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
