whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
