Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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