If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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