my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
