I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
