tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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