Cold hands, warm shart.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
