Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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