I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You were trust falling into bushes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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