I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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