Define "chronic" masturbator.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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