this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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