giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
