I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
