zippers are such a cool invention
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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