Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
