Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
