Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
