I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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