I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
