she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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