my vag is so smooth its legendary
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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