Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
