and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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