I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My life is pants optional.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
