Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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