we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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