seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
