I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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