He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
