Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i was born a porn star she said
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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