"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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