I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
