yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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