i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She announced her abortion via fbk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
