I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dignity is for republicans.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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