apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
