SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
