The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
