I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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