Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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