just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
