Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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