My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
