I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
