Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
