I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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