we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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