then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
