You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I want a musical about memes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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