Little spoons don't ask big questions
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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