My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
