Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
