I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Let's paint friendship bongs
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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