Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
