He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
