That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
