jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
