I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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