if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
