so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
