I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dicks are not precious.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
