Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
