Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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