I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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