dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
