I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
