"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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