You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
