After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She told me I should be a condom model.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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