I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
