i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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