I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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