Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
